Building A Better Marriage (3)

Be willing to listen. James 1:19

Have you seen the t-shirt that says, "I'm talking and I can't shut up!

"Whenever you're dating you can talk for hours. But when you're married,unless you work at it, conversation sometimes becomes superficial andleads to disagreements.

God says, "Be willing to listen and slow to speak."

There is an art to communicating.

(1) Let your mate lead. When they're talking about things outside yourfield of interest, remember, God said, "submit to one another" (Ephesians 5:21 ). Sometimes that means asking your partner, "What do you want to talk about?"

(2) Shorter can be better. "Honey, can we talk for a few minutes" is less threatening than the ominous "We need to talk" announcement! Some people can only stand so much 'soul-baring', and pressuring them just gets the wrong result. If your spouse is unresponsive on an issue,discuss it with a trusted friend; then give your spouse the condensed,less emotional version.

(3) Be a friend, not a mentor. Don't try to change your mate by nagging.If you begin with, "Why can't you?" or, "Why do you always...?" you sound more like a parent than a partner. Tell them once what's bothering you,not 1,000 times! Ask yourself, "Would I say this to a valued friend?" If not, don't say it.

(4) Be affirming. It takes twelve compliments to neutralize one criticism. Your partner won't know how wonderful they are unless you tell them!